立ち止まらない この針だけは Only this clock-hand would pierce through,
僕の明日を刻む音突き刺す the sound that engraved my tomorrows, unable to stop.
真実から逃げたら今 If I escape from the truth right now,
現実にも負けたら今 if I would even give up on reality right now,
何が残るの? just what would be left behind?
Nuffnang
Profile
Alias: Yuuki, Haru, Akihiko, Venskye
Name: ZH (:
Age: 21
Information
This blog is meant to be full of my rants, daily happenings and stuffs like that. Occasional reviews, stories, and opinions. It's my open, unfinished story.
Desires
->Graduate with more than 3.5 GPA. ->Best way to release stress. ->Shut out all depressing thoughts.
->God of War 3 ->Castlevania: Lord of Shadow Limited Edition ->DJ Max Portable 3 Limited Edition ->Assassins Creed: Brotherhood Collectors Edition ->New Renoma Leather Wallet ->Crumpler Bag (Black or Red) ->1TB External Hard Disk
Emotions. When we talk about it, what can we relate it to?
Simple. Feelings. Sad, happy, angry, anxious, fear, love, guilt. All of this is related under the category of emotions. However, it goes more than that. It also affects your mental state, which in turn affects your physical state, your body, soul, and mind.
Yet, the strongest debate would be, without emotions, would we live better? Would we be better off without emotions? What would happen in a world without emotions?
People will not love or hate others, violence would not happen, everybody would just go through their normal daily routine, sleep, and repeat it again, until the day where they die. Some might ask, "Isn't this good? People won't be tortured by sadness, anymore. People wouldn't turn insane due to feelings anymore."
However, think. Without emotions, wouldn't you feel weird? People would think falling is love is nothing, marriage is not blissful, memories are not worth to reminisce for, even if you win the "lottery", you won't even feel happy at all!
In the world with emotions, you'd feel sad, happy, depressed, agony, anxious, fear, etcetera. Yes, you'd feel sad, but, remember, you'd also feel happy too~!
Yes, some might say, "In my whole life, have I ever been happy?"
"Happiness is what you need to fight for. It wouldn't come knocking on your door, saying..."
"Hi, I'm happiness. I've decided to enter your life!"
"It's definitely not like that. In addition, sadness is the same thing. However, who would purposely go and find sadness?"
But, involuntarily, sometimes, because of our mental state of mind (i.e. Pessimist), we sought out for sadness automatically. Negative thoughts, Positive thoughts, which is better? It's for you to decide.
Some would prefer, to live in a world full of hate, so that their life would be easier. But come to think of it, blaming others for everything that has happened, is it really good? It's just a childish act of shielding yourself from the guilt and responsibility.
Some would prefer, to live in a world mixed with happiness, and sadness. It just feels normal. You'd have good days, bad days, good memories, bad memories, you'd accept it all, without any rejections, you'd find that bad memories, are an experience in your life, and it makes you to be a better person.
Some would just want to live in a world full of happiness, without any sadness at all. With happiness, without sadness, would a person really be complete? No. If your whole life, is full of happiness, once you meet sadness, you'd try to avoid it, escape it, keeping it out of your reach. Denying facts, accepting illusions, being delusional.
So, which is the best? It's up to your decision. But for me, None is the best.
Null, would be the best. =3
Pardon me if you find what I've typed is crap =3 I just thought of it suddenly.
This is for my people's Who just lost somebody Your best friend, your baby Your man, or your lady Put your hand way up high We will never say bye (No, no, no) Momma's, daddy's Sister's, brother's Friends, and cousins This is for my people's Who lost Their grandmothers Lift your head to The the sky Cause we will never Say bye
As a child There were them times I didn't get it But you kept me in line I didn't know Why you didn't show up Sometimes On Sunday mornings And I missed you But I'm glad we talked through All grown folk things Seperation brings You never let me know it You never let it show it Caused you loved me And obviously There's so much more to say If you were With me today Face to face
I never knew I can hurt like this And everyday Life rolls on I wish I can talk to you For a while Miss you but Not to cry As time goes bye
And It's true You reached A better place Still I'd give The world To see your face and right here Next to you Now the hardest thing To do is say Bye, bye-bye Bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye
And you never Got a chance to see How good I've done And you never Got to see me Back at number one I wish that you was here To celebrate together I wish that we can spend The holidays together I remember when you use To tuck me in at night Or the teddy bear u give me That I held so tight I thought you were so strong You make it through whatever It's so hard to except The fact you gone forever
I never knew I can hurt like this And everyday Life rolls on I wish I can talk to you For a while Miss you but Not to cry As time goes by
And It's true You reached A better place And I'd still give The world Is in your face and be right here Next to you Now the hardest thing To do is say Bye, bye-bye Bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye
This is for my people's Who just lost somebody Your best friend, your baby Your man, or your lady Put you hand way up high You will never say bye (No, no, no) Momma's, daddy's Sister's, brother's Friends, and cousins This is for my people's Who lost their Grandmother's Lift your head To the sky Cause we will never Say bye
I never knew I can hurt like this (I never knew it) And everyday (Everyday I wish that I) Life goes on like this (I wish, I wish) I wish I can talk to you For a while (I wish) Miss you but Not to cry (I wish) As time goes by (As time goes bye)
And It's true that you've Reached a better place Still I'd give the world To see your face And me right here Next to you And the hardest thing To do is say Bye-bye It's hard to say Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye So come on Somebody sing it with me Wave your hands up high
Cause this is For my peoples that Just lost somebody This is for everybody Just lift your head To the sky Cause we will never Say bye-bye
It just feels weird when listening to this song...
P.S: Please contact me through email/house phone for anything important...I won't be in msn for awhile and my phone is batt-less. I'm currently having a severe headache and won't be online for days...and my exams are coming too..
Watched this music video by Vanessa Carlton. It's a song called "Pretty Baby".
You should really watch the ending. It's lol-material.
You light me up and then I fall for you You lay me down and then I call for you Stumbling on reasons that are far and few I'd let it all come down and then some for you
Pretty baby don't you leave me I have been saving smiles for you Pretty baby why can't you see You're the one that I belong to I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm For you're the sun that breaks the storm I'll be alright and I'll sleep sound As long as you keep comin' around, oh pretty baby
And I know things can't last forever But there are lessons that you'll never learn Oh just the scent of you it makes me hurt So how's it you that makes me better
[Chorus]
Why can't you hold me and never let go When you touch me it is me that you own Pretty baby oh the place that you hold in my heart Would you break it apart again... oh pretty baby
[Chorus]
Pretty baby, why can't you see Pretty baby, don't you leave me Pretty baby, why can't you see Pretty baby, don't you leave me, Pretty Baby My Pretty Baby My Pretty Baby Don't you leave me [fade]
I've thought it through.I've got an answer. But I won't say it.
Guessed it's only my part of wishful thinking.
Realised it after hearing wad mt said hahas.
Oh well =) It's nice that it lasted I suppose.
Movie Thoughts on What Happen in Vegas and The Accuracy of Death coming up tomorrow..I suppose.
Classic quote.
"When he's alive, I think you're still a children with a runny nose." "Does a nose run?"
LOL.
Amazing...
Saturday, May 17, 2008 @ 12:38 AM
I went "unconcious" in late afternoon, and I just woke up. How amazing is that.
And. I need to have my sleep soon.
*Trying hard to sleep after waking up*
-> Tips for people having sleepless night
>> Exercise at least an hour a day >> Do not watch tv about an hour before you sleep >> Do not think about stressful stuffs, read some light books to aid in sleeping
It's still a boring life for me. How I wished I was in a fantasy world *gitters*
Ciao.
Oh yes. 4E2 ppl. If you "miraculously" read this.
Steven asked whether u peeps are interested in a Racial Harmony concert at Simei ITE on the 3rd of July. The time is from 8pm to 10pm (supposedly). It's on a Thusday.
He mentioned that Ms Chan hoped that most of our class would go. That's what he said. So if you're going or not. Please call him. Thanks!
Nothing that makes sense to me Or seem familiar Broken memories I forgot Only the pieces remain Darkness will cover this heart Your love is slipping away…
Wake up. Revise. Rest (TV-ing). Afternoon nap. Get notes frm sy (OMG REALLY THANK YOU!) Study. Mastered matrices (Except Gaussian Elimination.) Blogging. Planning to watch 1 episode of KKM later. Still patiently waiting for JR epi 5 to be subbed ._."
This concludes today =)
I found someone willing to watch Iron Man with me. I'm so glad ^^
*brrrr* I feel tired. I'll sleep soon I suppose...after I finished my tutorial >.<"
Went back for appointment with my regular customer killer :<
Went to Tamp with mum~ to get some books + SOMETHING I WANT!!!!!!! :) :) :)
Oh yea. When I'm waiting for my turn, I read 8-days. I found out that I want to watch a whole freaking 6 movies! Oh my god. Who wanna watch two movies in one day PLEASE. PLEASE CALL ME. I'M PRACTICALLY BEGGING HERE haha.
1)Made of Honour (MUST SEE OK!!!!) 2)Drillbit Taylor (HAHAHAHAHA.) 3)Speed Racer (YES. I wanna see cars go speeding without fines! Humph.) 4)Iron Man (Ok I know it's out ages...) 5)What Happens In Vegas (MUST SEE OK!) 6)Accuracy of Death (Girls drool and Takeshi Kaneshiro, I drool at the kewlness of shinigami. How nice if I can decide death huh?)
So who here is watching all these. CALL ME. I DON'T MIND SPENDING ONE WHOLE DAY WATCHING MOVIES! Weekend la. (Or perhaps friday would be good?)
=)
P.S : Oh yes. If anyone knows where is selling La Corda D'oro ~Primo Passo~ Soundtrack...tell me! I don't mind you calling ANYTIME. I won't blame you =)
Yay. Wee. Haa. I'm reading on differentiation now. Need to "refresh" my mind. Totally..didn't revise that much T_T.
Woo. I listened to this song during some blog-hopping action.
The Best You Never Had by Leona Lewis
It's just plain cruel to never get what you thought as the "best".
So dudes, chicks, out there. Grab what you want before you really regret it. =)
I was so in love with you There was nothing I could do Wouldn't give me the time of day Now you wanna be with me You say you wanna be with me
You said I was the best Gave your love out the rest There was nothing I could say It's going good for me You say you wanna be with me Now
Yeah you're telling me that I am were it's at But I ain't having none of that....
[Chorus:] Because I told you, you would look to regret it, and now I don't wanna make you feel bad, But when it comes to me just forget it, I'll be the best you never had, You put me through so many emotions, Now baby it's besides the fact, 'cause in your empty heart I left a mark, The best you never had.
No, No, No
You saw me as a friend, Baby I don't want revenge, But if you must know the truth, What you didn't see in me Reflects what you will never be now, When you're telling me I was always the one, I feel your desperation.
[Chorus]
Back rubs, good love, my stuff That's what you missed out on My touch... show much we could have You miss, My kiss, My lips, The love I had for you Our song, so long
Recently I watched this anime that I wanna watched that badly. Yes. It's a BL anime. Oh who cares?! Me, the self-acclaimed otaku will watch any genre of anime.
This anime, is called Junjou Romantica. It consists of 3 pairings that are kind of related to each another.
It's a damn funny anime. Watching the first episode already sent me laughing like mad and some parts is quite touching. *sobb*
Haha. Try it! Even though it's BL. =)
If you want: ->To laugh ->To cry ->To see handsome guys ->Hear smexy voices.
Warning. If you find *** scene of Yaoi disgusting. Don't watch. There's some slight *** scenes. Lol.
This anime can be found at click me! just search for it damnit!
Please watch Junjou Romantica! *beams*
Screencaps:
Can't wait for episode 5~~ Yahoo~~
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ok enough of the anime craziness.
Today managed to crawl out to get some essential stuffs. (Pen, correction tape, foolscap paper, etc.) Bought Yotsubaaa book 6&7.
Needed help on maths. So went to meet Phad. Hahas. Nz and sj were also around. Sj is playing the rubix cube while nz is doing I-think-it's-poa.
Thanks for phad help~! OMG I finally understand the Maclaurin and Taylor Series. Yipee.
I tink I saw dardar when I went out to shop. I think so. ._." But didn't call her. Since I think she's with her parents ><"
Oh yes~!
This is sooo going to land in my hands soon. WAIT. YOU BETTER DON'T RUN. RAWR.
It's totally a virus war in my house.
Me passed virus to sis, sis to mum, mum to me again, oh well. YOU GET THE IDEA. PFFT.
-Currently reading up on Matrices too.-
Anyone wanna watch Shinigami Secret? -Si Shen De Mi Mi- :>
Disclaimer : This is a fictional story. Any character, events, that happened in this story is purely coincidental. So, enjoy!
Once upon a time, there’s a little boy. He was born into the world after a year, where his parents married. Living till the age of 3 at his grandparent’s house, he’s learned some things about the world. His grandfather already passed away since his birth into this world.
His grandmother didn’t treat him well at all. Due to his grandmother’s hatred towards his mother, for a super stupid reason, he was mistreated. Everything that was spoiled, it’s due to him. Everything that’s messed up, it’s also his fault. She even went through means to give that boy sweet drinks, just to harm his health.
His grandmother only favored her son’s two children, and once, he got beaten up by his uncle because of his grandmother saying that he actually went to slap his son, which is totally a made up fact. He didn’t know what was happening then. What he knew that time was to cry. Only cry. He didn’t know how to retaliate. He thought, even if I said the truth, would they believe me? Since then, he thought of his uncle as a monster.
Since then, his mother quit her job, where the payout is high, just to take care of him, instead of letting her evil mother to take care of him. His mother, in his eyes, is a very kind lady. She treats him with utmost care, didn’t have any high expectations of him, and what she did for him, and is for the best. She will try her best to give her children what she wants. She doesn’t spend money for her own wants at all. What she wants of him is just to be healthy. As long as the boy did his best, his mother would already be happy and contended.
You look so beautiful today When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away So i try to find the words that i could say I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away And I cant lie Every time I leave my heart turns gray And I want to come back home to see your face And I Cause I just cant take it
Another day without you with me Is like a blade that cuts right through me But I can wait I can wait forever When you call my heart stops beating When you're gone it wont stop bleeding But I can wait I can wait forever
You look so beautiful today It's like every time I turn around I see your face The thing I miss the most is waking up next to you When I look into your eyes, I wish that I could stay And I cant lie Every time I leave my heart turns gray And I want to come back home to see your face And I Cause I just cant take it
Another day without you with me Is like a blade that cuts right through me But I can wait I can wait forever When you call my heart stops beating When you're gone it wont stop bleeding But I can wait I can wait forever
I know it feels like forever I guess that's just the price I gotta pay But when I come back home to feel your touch Makes it better Till that day Theres nothing else that I can do And I just cant take it I just cant take it
Another day without you with me Is like a blade that cuts right through me But i can wait I can wait forever (I can wait forever) When you call my heart stops beating When you're gone it wont stop bleeding But I can wait I can wait forever I can wait forever I can wait forever...
I already realized it long ago. In this wide wide world, this big big universe, I'm just one small insignificant human being. Sighhhh. Haha.
Maybe I'm not that good, I'm not that caring, I'm not that ok. I'm definitely not ok.
It just tears me apart when I see what's happening in the chaotic family.
Somehow, I just wished that I could live alone ._.
Insanity currently rules my house due to someone.
It just makes me think.
Useless stuffs. Useless emotions. How can I possible study in such situations? How can I possible stay sane enough?
Trust me. I'm getting more and more not ok now.
Either that someones doesn't come totally, or else, there's drama EVERY NIGHT.
FUCK IT. If you guys wanna quarrel. Please don't do it inside THE HOUSE. Or just plainly in the HALLWAY of the same level. Please go to the garden of something ok? Both of you wanna quarrel is your own FUCKING problem. Don't create noise that disturb people or ANNOY people.
Even my sis is scared now. Oh my. What is happening to my usual happy family? It's just been teared apart by this someone. I can't show the hatred. I need to hide it.
The only people who are really sane in the house now is me. I'm just 70% sane. 30% insanity.
Somehow, I wonder will this cause a trauma for me.
The things you are doing, are the things that I hate. The people that you're friends with, are the people that I steer away from. The attitude you give, is what the attitude I hate most. So, tell me. Since you know what I hate that well, why are you doing it?
Living every day as it comes by, leaving every day as it goes by. How I detested such life. But oh-so-ironic that I'm living in such life.
Cause my notes aren't here!! Pfft. Been mia-ed from sch for a long time. How I miss the fresh air in school, the yong tau foo in sch (Trust me, AS ytf is the best ok! Muahahaha. Even better den food court + cheap somemore. Heh.) Most of all...I miss my class A7D1 ._. you guys really rawks! ^^
"Hey." "?" "You know *** and ^^^ hor, *** called me said that he broke up with her leh." "What?! You sure?" "Of course! Anyways, expected de lah. How can they last that long? 3 months already super long liao."
It seems that *** finally dumped ^^^. It's quite a good idea. Since ^^^ is very...obsessive. O.M.G. Lol.
They broke up with violence, as what I heard frm MW. Woots. Slapping, screaming etc. Wow man.
But...won't they patch back? That's what I wonder. Cause usual cases:
-The dumper always come crawling back to the one being dumped after some time. -Even though they did breakup with violence attached, they will still miss each other, I think.
-Breakups are complicated. What decides a breakup? What kind of breakup is the best? -Everyones wants to be the dumper, but does everyone gets that chance? Haha.
Ok that's my own thoughts.
Grats ***. You got your nicest freedom back~! Since she's stalking you 24/7 when you're with her >_>"
From sane...to insane~!
Sunday, May 04, 2008 @ 9:32 PM
Tomorrow finally, seeing the doc for the last time. Greatttt. It seems the persistent fever finally wanna leave.
Currently: ->Flu ->Sore throat ->Fever ->Muscle Ache (I think it comes along with fever) ->Headache (With flu I suppose)
Lying on my bed, with only my dear laptop beside me ):
Notes are not with me...but I will be collecting it frm sy tmr (:
Thank you sooo much (: (: *smiles aplenty*
Ok, lemme blog a little more before logging off~
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Extract from Romance Vol. 1: A book with collection of love stories and poems.
"My First Love" by Tan Tingyuan:
Dear Sodium,
There are times when I really want to forget you completely. There are also times when I cannot bear to let you go. I've tried all ways and means to get you out of my mind, but it was futile. I got increasingly confused and I didn't know what to do. You know I love you a lot, but it will be impossible for us to be together.
I feel happy whenever you are around, but I also feel more relaxed, cheerful and enthusiastic about meeting new challenges when you are not around. Somehow, I feel that I am always contradicting myself. I would like to see you yet I feel better without you around in class. This is bad for me, for you and for our studies, I suppose.
Close friends have asked me to forget completely about you. However, It's always easier said that done. I can't just let go of the feelings I have for you. Maybe you will think time spent between the two of us wasn't that long and thus, you did not know me that well. However, being in the same class, you knew I existed and I knew quite a bit about you too. I remembered another instance, when we met at MOS Burgers, You smiled so cheerfully to me...I wonder where the happiness had gone now.
I still remember when we did the Chinese New Year decorations together. We were so happy then. I missed that smile on your face. I missed that brilliant radiance all around you. You seem cold and strance to me now. Like a whole new person to me. Like a stranger. I feel bad whenever I see you. I feel like avoiding you all the time. I thought that this was the best way to forget you and get you out of my mind. Unfortunately, nothing has changed. I am now trying very hard to discard all memories of you that I never should have kept in the first place.
I do not regret loving you and liking you. It has been quite a wondrous experience for me and it has never ever been a mistake falling in love with you.
Unfortunately, you are a girl just like me, and you are a straight girl, as straight as a ruler...
I was six years old When my parents went away I was stuck inside a broken life I couldn't wish away She was beautiful She had everything and more And my escape was hiding out and running for the door Somebody listen please It used to be so hard being me
Living in the shadow Of someone else's dream Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me Living in a nightmare A never-ending sleep But now that I am wide awake My chains are finally free Don't feel sorry for me
All the days collided One less perfect than the next I was stuck inside someone else's life and always second best Oh, I love you now 'cause now I realize That it's safe outside to come alive in my identity So if you're listening There's so much more to me you haven't seen
Living in the shadow Of someone else's dream Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me Living in a nightmare A never-ending sleep But now that I am wide awake Then I can finally see Don't feel sorry for me
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother Everything's cool now Mother, sister, father, sister, mother Everything's cool now Oh, my life is good I've got more than anyone should Oh, my life is good And the past is in the past
I was living in the shadow Of someone else's dream Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me I'm living in a new day I'm living it for me And now that I am wide awake Then I can finally be So don't feel sorry for me Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me
Living in, living in, living in the shadow Living in, living in, living in a new day
How I love this song. Makes me emo like mad haha. It has climbed its way to my blog song. Haha.
Today, it’s Christmas Eve. However, this year is totally different. It’s still the same when I hanged out with my friends, to countdown for Christmas Day. However, it still felt different. When we shouted “Merry Christmas!” , due to my natural reflexes, I took out my handphone, and wanted to press her numbers to wish her Merry Christmas and to tell her I love her.
And I remembered. We already parted ways months ago. Without thinking, I also bought her a Christmas Present. I hoped that she would either at least message me or called me to wish me a Merry Christmas. But she didn’t. I didn’t want to call her too, for fear of disturbing her. After all, I heard from her friends that she’s got a new guy.
Yes, it has already been months. Even my friends told me umpteen times to get over it and move on. They say, “Time will heal everything.” Sadly, this isn’t true. Everything I did reminded me of her. Every moment when I’m free, my mind will create thoughts about her.
I wondered, at that time, if neither of us took any initiative to confess our feelings to each other, would I feel better now? Would I be any happier? Would I be in agony?
In the end, the answer I got would be no. If that happened, I wouldn’t have felt happiness when I’m with her, I wouldn’t have felt panic when I couldn’t contact her, I wouldn’t have felt anxious when she’s sick. I wouldn’t have been irrational when it’s about her. I wouldn’t feel sadness when she wanted to leave me.
I wouldn’t have such a wonderful past. I’ve left her present on my desk, maybe I would give it to her someday, but not now…
I’m in the present, yet the past keeps visiting me now and then. It has made me cry and smile numerous times during these few months. However, I just hope that someday, the past will leave me, and I’ll head for the future.
-Because of you, I’ve tried a lot of things, I’ve gained a lot of things, I’ve lost some things too. However, the most precious thing that I’ve lost, is you.-
But, even I didn’t see you for these few months, I still remember you face and the beautiful smile you have.
End of the lonely, Christmas Eve.
25th Dec 2005
Dear Diary,
She called me today wishing me a Happy Christmas. When I saw her name appearing on my handphone, I feel elated. She said she has bought me a Christmas present. I wonder what is it? I’ll be meeting her in 1 hour time! What should I do? What should I wear? Should I give her the gift I bought? I’ll write somemore later.
I’ve come home with mixed feelings. She still looks so alluring, and so beautiful. When I saw her, how I wished that I could rush towards her and hug her. However, she’s with her boyfriend. They’re going out to catch a movie later, so she decided to drop by since she already bought a present for me. When I took her present, that guy didn’t seem to be happy. He seems mad. I totally felt that he shouldn’t be.
After all, she’s with “him” now, not me, right? I also passed her the present I bought unknowingly. It’s actually a pair of earrings. She said she liked it! Oh my god. I totally felt pure happiness when she said that.
When I saw what she bought me, I smiled. She bought me the snowglobe that I once told her I liked. I’ve kept snowglobes from all around the world. How nice it is, to live inside a snowglobe. With the never-ending snow, the never-ending beautiful scenery.
After she passed me the present she left with him. How I wished that she’s leaving with me, instead of him. Haha.
I felt happy when she still remembered what I like. But, her heart isn’t with me now. Sigh. That’s why, I’m so confused now.
She managed to make me to think of the past again, the past where I wanted to leave it alone, and to move on to meet “future”.
I’ve placed the snowglobe on my desk, instead of being in the shelf where I kept all my other snowglobes. After all, this snowglobe is the most precious of them all.
-If loving you is hard, not loving you would be harder, not having you by my side is the hardest.-
